At bat

Best intro music hands down: Macho Man Randy Savage's "Pomp and Circumstance." When he came into the ring with that crazy music playing, you knew awesomeness was going to follow. You knew he was going to talk like he was passing a kidney stone. You knew at some point he was going to raise his glasses and give his opponent the serial killer look of impending doom. You knew that anyone who chose "Pomp and Circumstance" as his intro music must have a little extra going on upstairs.

I'm no athlete--ask anyone on the Circus hockey team--but if I was I'd have to choose baseball as my sport. Why? Because it allows you to have an intro song. Now I think only relief pitchers get to have one...or possibly I'm making the whole thing up. But since I'm pretending to be a professional baseball player, who cares?

So here's the scenario: bottom of the 9th, the visiting team up by a run, tying run on second with two outs. Next up to bat: Thomas "Boomstick" Wong, wearing number 44. The crowd starts to go nuts. As I walk towards homeplate you can hear the start of a persistent chant, "Boomstick, boomstick, boomstick..."

And then, over the PA:

AC/DC - Thunderstruck

The crowd goes nuts. As I step into the batter's box, I raise my bat and point it at the crowd, holding it like a tommy gun. Everyone in the first ten rows goes down like they've been shot. The pitcher winds up, delivers. I don't even get into my stance. Strike one. Next pitch is right down the middle again. Strike two. Now I look at the pitcher. I give him the Andy Petitte glare. He steps off the bag, trying to shake it off, but now I'm in his head. When he delivers the next pitch the runner on second is already trotting to third. He knows what time it is - Boomstick time.


Post a Comment

<< Home