In the days of my youth...er...

As the last exam was drawing to a close I had but one thought, one pressing issue on my mind.

When can I start drinking?

Nothing will drive you to alcoholism as surely as easy access to the delectable nectar. After a night of scotch, brandy, rum, rye, beer, and “the hobbit weed,” I woke this morning with a distinct hankering for more brew. I know the wheel is regularly touted as the greatest human invention, but think if you will on the first man who, on coming across a potato or some such vegetation sitting in a pool of water, decided to take a sip. What says delicious more clearly than a puddle of rotting sod?

I have no idea if I’ve learned anything, but my mind is pretty much useless for anything other than law. Whenever I read a news article, or watch a movie, or even read an album review my mind is cataloguing all the possible legal issues. I see class action law suits standing in line for the bank machine. So if no one will hire me at the end of this you might find me sitting on Granville with a sign reading: FORMER LAW STUDENT. WILL LITIGATE FOR FOOD.

Some words you will not find useful:

impliedly
tortfeasor
bona fide purchaser for value without notice

The Supreme Court of Canada recently ruled that there are no Constitutional objections to gay marriage. Well thank goodness for that. It’s so heartening to know that the founding fathers of our country weren’t against a little legally binding same sex cohabitation. Or maybe the idea was so far outside of their reality that it would never occur to them to put it in there. Maybe, and this might be a stretch, but maybe the Constitution is such an outdated document that it has nothing to say about the most pressing issues facing Canada today. Or maybe gay marriage is such a non-issue that it shouldn’t take a Supreme Court reference to figure it out.

Why shouldn’t homosexuals be just as unhappy and doomed to relational failure as heterosexuals?

Listening to…

The Arcade Fire – The Woodland National Anthem
Death from Above 1979 – Romantic Rights
Damien Rice – The Blower’s Daughter
Ray Lamontagne – Hold You in My Arms
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – Biomusicology
Blink 182 – I Miss You
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out
Jin – Learn Chinese
Libertines – Vertigo
Rivers Cuomo – Annie’s Song
Kelis – Milkshake

The La’s – pretty much every band right now called The Any Ol’ Word owes its existence to the The La’s. Isn’t it time for the noun bands to give way to the verb bands? The Running, The Shouting, The Kneeling, etc…

Watching…

Arrested Development – “She does this thing where she squeezes a package of mayonnaise into her mouth, and then eats a hard-boiled egg, and mmm mmm mmm…she calls it a mayon-egg.”

CSI and CSI Miami – New York blows.

Good Eats – If Alton Brown did a guest spot on Arrested Development, the television universe would collapse. Instead we’ll probably see the King of Queens make a delivery to Everybody Loves Raymond.

(Speaking of Everybody Loves Raymond, a show I still have never seen…what is driving this trend of releasing really shitty television on DVD? I saw a Beastmaster collection recently, and today I saw the aforementioned ELR. Who is buying collections of a show that is widely syndicated?)

If you go to San Francisco, be sure to wear a flower in your hair.

posted by Thomas @ 19:31