Her high school crush is kicking your ass

Guys - you know that high school crush of hers, the guy with the hair and shoes, who she never spoke to and maybe even never met? That guy is totally kicking your ass.

Why? Because she never spoke to him. Ever. So he never said anything stupid, or made a retarded joke, or told her she looked a little heavy in that dress. He never had the chance. This guy always said exactly the right thing because she put the words in his mouth. Hell, he might have looked at her once and that meant more to her than the last ten things you've said. Plus, you're a jerk.

He always smelled like laundry.

This guy is mopping the floor with you and he doesn't even know your name. He affected her in ways you can only dream about. Next time you do something idiotic--forget her birthday, get drunk and puke on the veranda, insult her best friend--guess who she'll be thinking about?

This guy owns you. And he might look like Christian Slater.

posted by Thomas @ 13:32