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7.24.2005

They used to charge a head tax

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Before I take off tomorrow, I thought I'd leave you with what will surely be the next big thing in the indie music/blogging world. The Prayers and Tears of Arthur Digby Sellers is basically the work of one man, Perry Wright, and thus is often compared to that other one man show, Bright Eyes (despite sounding nothing like each other). But of course neither one is the sole work of an individual, and Wright calls on a number of friends to help round out his eclectic sound. A nice bio can be found in the Pitchfork Review for his latest album, The Mother of Love Emulates the Shapes of Cynthia. Although as with all Pitchfork reviews it's impossible to tell why the album rates a 7.5 and not a 9.5, or a 6.5 for that matter.

If you're interested you can download a shwack of mp3s here.

I suggest Concerning Lessons Learned from the Aliens, and An Unexpected Song.

King high? All in!

I'm leaving for Las Vegas on Monday, with a system in place to win big at craps. If I'm not at the law school come fall, I've either hit it big on the strip, or I'm buried deep in the Nevada desert.

Either way...VEGAS BABY.

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7.20.2005

Les Musiques....en Video

Not only does BoardsMag have the best ads on television, they also now carry music videos.

The White Stripes get the Marilyn Manson treatment for Blue Orchid.

Beck travels into Mad Magazine for Girl.

Mark Romanek gets boring and dull for Coldplay's Speed of Sound, but I guess that's only fitting. (Seriously - this is really just Clocks with different lyrics, right? They know it's the exact same song, right?)

The Chemical Brothers mess around with an old kungfu flick to pretty sweet results in Get You High.

I'm a contender



Mike Tyson has me conflicted. On the one hand I think he has been exploited and probably suffers from some form of mental illness. On the other hand, he's hilarious. For his own sake I hope he just quietly disappears. But then I hear that he's considering a career in porn, and that he's spent $12000 to build an air conditioned pigeon coop near a house he just purchased in Arizona. I thought this guy was bankrupt?

Tyson Quotes:

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

(On Razor Ruddock) "You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."

"He was screaming like my wife."

"I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I'm going to strip them of their health. I bring pain, a lot of pain."

“I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their fuckin' head or stomp on their testicles, so you could feel my pain because that's the pain I have, wakin' up every day."

"Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn."

"I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."

BUT STILL THE CHAMP:

(Speaking to a reporter) "Look at you scared now, you hoe. Scared like a little white pussy. Scared of the real man. I'll fuck you 'til you love me, faggot."

If an A costs a grand...I can get half an A

Now that registration is finally over (thank you UBC for setting aside one whole server to handle the process), I can focus on the more important things in life.

Like Google Maps' tribute to the first manned moon landing. I wonder what happens when you zoom all the way in...oh Google! You tricksters!

Always wanted to have Dubya's dulcet tones announce the arrival of a new call? Or just wanted mp3s of some of his greatest witticisms?

Bush ringtones

My favourite:

"Y'know (much stammering), Blacks are gagging on the donkey, but not yet ready to swallow the elephant"

Colouring books rule.

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7.19.2005

Stop persecuting my right to persecute you

That Christians are now speaking of religious persecution isn't ironic - it's insane and woefully illogical. The only time that a Christian would be persecuted, or made to stop acting on his or her beliefs, would be when that same Christian was attempting to persecute someone else.

Gay marriage is a notable example of this phenomenon. A school counsellor, Dr. Chris Kempling, was recently suspended for voicing opposition to gay marriage. He has been described by supporters as follows: His concerns for the public policy issues are equally for the well-bring of people trapped in addiction to homosexual behaviour and for the protection of children who are already being unethically indoctrinated within Canada’s public (and some of the private) school systems. This same compassionate person would have us believe that it is religious persecution to tell him that he cannot speak out against gay marriage in the school setting.

In other words, it is all well and good for Christians to tell people that homosexuality is morally reprehensible, but not alright for anyone to tell them not to say that.

The wonderful Christian Heritage Party also tells us that "the definition of marriage was given by God long before He ordained civil government." Which is strange since every wedding in the Bible is secular.

Of course, if the Bible forbids same sex marriage, then I guess the State should crack down on all the other forbidden types of marriage.

7.18.2005

Check your I.Q.

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7.16.2005

Tom Cruise IS Willy Wonka.

Liam Lacey reveals, among other things, that Tom Cruise was 20th Century Fox's preferred choice for Edward Scissorhands. Which, considering current events, would have been inspired casting.

I love the American justice system, that sends a journalist to jail for not revealing her source but not the journalist who published the original story. Ah, the douchebag of liberty.

Apparently the space shuttles are simply too old for reliable space travel. Here's an idea: stop trying to get into space. Just stop. To quote David Cross, "Put a man on the moon? How about we put a man into an apartment, huh? How about that?"

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My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable.

Normally I wouldn't care about golf, but the whole "Is he back?" crapfest surrounding Tiger Woods is amazing. Jack Nicklaus won his last major in 1986 - at the age of 46. That gives Eldrick 17 years to win nine more and tie the Golden Bear. Clearly, everyone just wants Tiger to win because he's black.

Isn't that right Rush?


The UBC alumni list is actually pretty impressive.

And now for a little lawyer talk...

The company that owns the copyright to CoeXist, a symbolic representation of three major religious symbols, is suing Bono (see: Jesus Christ) for using it...to promote peace and understanding. Hey, they own the copyright, so why not? And Bono has the money. He hasn't been giving any of it to third world countries, has he?

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(Thanks to David Dylan Thomas' blog for the link, although I'm not sure it's really that ironic.)

These guys think the whole Live 8 thing is a sham.

7.15.2005

Feist

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Unfortunately I won't be able to catch the lovely Leslie Feist when she performs tomorrow at the Folk Festival. Console yourself with this great performance on Conan O'Brien and download an mp3 of the set.

Feist - Mushaboom (.mov)

mp3 of above performance

R. Kelly would like to pee on you


Now with realistic wizzing action.

I tried to listen to the whole thing, but I have trouble with songs that describe in exact detail what is going on in the video ("Now I'm waking up in a bed that's not my own/turn slightly to the left/put one foot on the ground/now I'm stretching"). So I need someone to watch the entire five video story arc for R.Kelly's Trapped in a Closet...er...saga, and tell me what happens in the end. I'd watch without the sound on but I feel I might miss something.

The link takes you to a site where someone stitched the five videos together, allowing you to enjoy them all at once. (Actually that link seems to be dead, so you'll have to watch it at his site)

In case you think I'm lying about the lyrics, here's a sampling from all five chapters.

Chapter 1:

7 o'clock in the morning and the rays from the sun wake me
I'm stretching and yawning in a bed that don’t belong to me
Then a voice yells “good morning darling” from the bathroom
Then she comes out and kisses me and to my surprise she isn’t you
Now I've got this dumb look on my face like “what have I done”?
How could I be so stupid to have been laid in to the morning sun
Must have lost the track of time, oh what was on my mind?
From the club went to her home, didn’t plan to stay that long
Here I am quickly trying to put on my clothes
Searching for my car keys trying to get on up out the door
Then she stretched her hands in front of me
Said “you can’t go this way”
Looked at her like she was crazy
Said “woman move out my way”
I Said “I got a wife at home”
She said “please don’t go out there”
“Lady I’ve got to get home”

Chapter 2:

That you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house
But the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt”
I said “we need to resolve this”
And he stepped to me I’m like “whoa
There’s a reason I’m in this closet”
He says “yeah? What are you talking clothes?”
“I met this girl at the bodja club and she told me she didn’t have a man”
Then he said “man please I'd kill you if you didn’t have that gun in your hand”
And then I said “but your chick chose me”
He said “don’t give me that mack shit please”
His phone goes off and then things get a little more interesting
He steps a little closer I point my gun and say “I’m not the one you after”
He says “something I bet you didn’t know my man… Did she tell you that I was a pastor?”
I said “well good that’s better right? Why can't we handle this Christian-like?”

(at the end of this song, the pastor reveals he has a male lover)

Chapter 3:

(this is my favourite one)

She said, "My God, Rufus! I've got just one question,
how could you do something like this? I'm so hurt!"
He looked at her and said, "Bitch please, you've got your nerves
With all your club hoppin', lyin' when you said you was shoppin'.
And now here you are in our home, and you're callin' me wrong."

"Okay you busted me! And that much I agree, you caught me cheatinggg!
But this is a little extreme!"

He said, "You are my wife sleeping behind my back.
And now I come home and you got him in the closet, how extreme is that?!"
And she said, "But she's a he!"
And he said, "Please, you can't judge me"
She said, "But this is crazy!"
And I said, "Stop arguing!
I did not stay here to hear you chew each other out,
So get to the point, or I swear I'm out!"

Chapter 4:

Now we makin love and she's my ear whisperin
It's all yours
I said I love you
And she said I love ya, too
Then a tear fell up out my eye
Then I called her my sunshine
And then she looked at me
And said baby go deeper please
And thats when I start goin crazy
Like I was tryin to give her a baby
The room feel like its spinnin
We keep turnin and turnin
As if we were in a whirlwind
The way our toes are curlin
The next thing ya know, she starts goin real wild
And starts screamin my name
Then I said baby, we must slow down
Before I bust a vessel in my brain

Chapter 5:

she said you know my girl roxanne
I said who the hell is roxanne
then she says roxanne’s a friend of mine
who knows this guy name Chuck
Chuck’s cool with this guy named Rufus
and I’m sitting there like what the fuck
then she says Rufus wife Cathy
we both went to high school
she introduced me to the policeman that stopped you


You heard it here first - R. Kelly, the John Donne of our times.

7.14.2005

Iggy Pop

"If you wear a shirt that says "Free Katie Holmes" you're saying something."

Iggy Pop is one smart skinny dude. His recent interview on Fresh Air didn't quite turn me into a full blown fan of his music, but I am a big fan of the persona that he creates. His turn with Tom Waits in Coffee and Cigarettes almost justified watching the entire flick. (Actually, the scene with Alfred Molina and Steve Coogan justifies watching the whole movie - get the film and find that scene - brilliant. Watch a few snippets here.)

Iggy Pop and the Stooges - I Wanna Be Your Dog

I think I've answered your questions

Also continuing with all things Ryan (I'm starting to understand the Bazzaraman's predilection; this shit is addictive!)...

a few days ago the young blog hound sent me a link to a wild press conference at the White House briefing room, where a flustered Scott McLellan attempted to fend off a murder of hungry reporters.

Quoth the Ryan: Methinks the Daily Show will comment on this.

Sure enough, it did. (Clip courtesy of onegoodmove)

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This reminds me of a British press conference with Tony Blair, where a reporter just hounded him, but in a restrained British manner, mercilessly, leading Stewart to wonder if America couldn't get some reporters like him. Apparently they have.

More McLellan hunting at onegoodmove.

LET'S ASK AN AMERICAN:

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7.13.2005

Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown

Continuing with the video game theme (and echoing Ryan's assessment that technology is becoming advanced at the same rate it's becoming pointless), today's post honours Randall Glass' version of A Few Good Men, rendered using the Half-Life game engine.

A Few Good G-Men

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Tonight's Ideas on CBC Radio 1 was on the use of wargames, and a phenomenon called asymmeteric warfare. This occurs when a person's reason for fighting does not comply with one of the identifiable parties, or when the means of warfare are outside conventional tactics. A farmer in Iraq, for example, might have his daughter killed by a brightly coloured smart bomb. In anger and grief he might take a sniper rifle and begin shooting at any soldiers in the region. Traditional wargames did not account for this type of player. The most "famous" type of assymetric warfare is the suicide bomber.

If this interests you at all, I suggest reading the following article (PDF download) on the topic. It will open your eyes as to why the war in Iraq continues to march on.

Bailey, Kathleen C. Iraq's Asymmetric Threat to the United States and U.S. Allies. Fairfax, VA, National Institute for Public Policy, December 2001.

Leeeeeroy Jenkins! Attack!

A World of Warcraft guild plans its attack strategy, when one of its members jumps the gun. Watch the whole video - definitely watch the whole video.

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And relive the best moments with this soundboard.

7.12.2005

Get yer head on straight

According to the National Post and Public Safety Minister Anne McLellan, Canadians are not "psychologically prepared" for a terrorist attack.

First of all, when politicians name ministries they're being ironic right? "Public Safety?" These people have read 1984, right? Secondly, what exactly does it mean to be psychologically prepared? Should we spend the day thinking constantly about an imminent attack? Now who on earth would want us to do that?

Luckily, we have organizations such as the FBI, who trained people such as former agent Ty Fairman.

"If Osama bin Laden put you on the list, you're on the list," Fairman said in an off-beat presentation.

"If he was just some Joe Schmo knucklehead that people don't respect, then don't listen to him."

Take that, Osama bin Knucklehead!

"The conference, which got underway Sunday, runs through Wednesday and boasts more than 1,500 delegates from more than 40 countries around the world - a sure sign that disaster management has become a growth industry."

Gee, I wonder if anyone is profiting from this?

Will this decide my future?

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7.11.2005

Last one I promise

Had to do it

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Shock Absorbency

Awesome Asics ad for their new gel insert



Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, the upcoming video game, just became that much cooler. The limited edition comes with a great "Objection!" screen cleaner, and this bitchin' stylus:



How sweet is that?

When I get inside a court room for real I am going to point my finger all the time. It's the winning method.

If you read Japanese visit the official site.

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I'm out of order? You're out of order! The whole freakin's system's out of order!

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It's just you and me, Laforge. Mano a mano.

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Don't make me fireball you.

7.10.2005

@&#$^$%%#*$^!!!!

Some assclown broke into our car tonight, and stole...nothing. Or what amounts to nothing - a garage clicker that doesn't work on the front door, and my soccer bag with my smelly, used kit in it and my cleats. Bully for you, assclown. Honestly, if the guy had come to me and said, Look - I'm going to break your car window. Gimme $50 and we're square...well, I would have kicked him in the nuts and spit down his throat.

Crash this trailer

I have to admit, ever since the H Bizzle stopped writing there's been a hole in my daily reading, a giant, Young Ryan shaped hole. Unfortunately, the Bazzarama doesn't look like he'll be returning to the fray any time soon, and such is our loss. Young Ryan, we hardly knew ye.

To fill that void I've used the Wedding Crashers site to create a trailer, featuring Young Ryan in his first starring role!

Wedding Crashers - starring a Chinaman of Average Intellect and Young Ryan

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7.09.2005

You too, Maroon 5

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And prostitutes



gapingvoid on Live8

At least it's not "eating a chinaman"



"anti-coldplay" - YES!

"eating with a chinaman" - er...is that some kind of service? I would pay good money to be able to see the people doing these searches.

BANDS THAT RYAN WILL BE TALKING ABOUT

On top of writing about law school and finally providing a link to yours truly, Ryan also has pretty good taste in music. By which I mean he often agrees with me. Ahem. Here are two bands Ryan will be talking about in the coming months.


Wolf Parade

Feted by Pitchfork, housed on Sub Pop, and friends with Arcade Fire - this band has all the makings of being a Ryan favourite. Look for an entry around the fall when they're set to release a full length, and catch some sweet tracks on soulseek while you're waiting. Set to become the "Canadian indie sensation of the moment" (on the heels of Stars, BSS, and the aforementioned Fire.)


Be Your Own Pet

The kind of band I wanted to start in high school, with at least one member just out of the eleventh grade, BYOP also features a bass player with a bitching fro, and a lead singer with an awesome trust fund name (Jemima Pearl).

Finally, the Internet Archive has Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space available to download. The site is also a great source of live recordings.

7.08.2005

How about ice fishing?

With the news that London had won the 2012 Olympics came this distressing report - baseball and softball will be phased out after 2008. Set to replace them are two of five possible sports - rugby, golf, karate, squash, or roller sports. I'm sorry - roller sports? What in the name of Brad Pitt is a roller sport? The IOC cited the fact that relatively few countries play baseball, and that Cuba and America had dominated the medals. So basically the IOC means that few European nations play the sport, because last time I checked it was pretty popular in Asia and South America.

The news reminded me of something I wrote during the whole 2010 Vancouver kerfuffle, and I found it on the old blog. Mr. Peabody - set the wayback machine to February 13, 2003.

2010 Olympic Backer Tired of How Much People Hate Children

Not merely a system - a way of life.

The bombing in the London underground has inspired the same head up our asses headlines in the Province that happened after 9/11, whereby we are instructed to demand more "security" but yet still no more intelligent action from our politicians. Who cares why "they" might bomb us - let's just kill "them" before they do! If one single tax dollar goes towards more glorified crossing guards at Skytrain stations I'm buying a Humvee and driving it into Translink headquarters.

Kotaku posted a series of quotes by Playstation honcho and apparent Machiavellian maestro Ken Kutaragi, with a few made up ones. See if you can spot which are real and which are fake (regular readers to this site will know one already).

Answers in comments.

* “Beating us for a short moment is like accidentally winning a point from a Shihan (Karate master), and Microsoft is still not a black belt. Just like with their operating systems, they might come out with something good around the third generation of their release.”

* “I believe we made the most beautiful thing in the world. Nobody would criticize a renowned architect’s blueprint that the position of a gate is wrong. It’s the same as that.”

* “Microsoft shoots for the moon. Sony shoots for the sun.”

* “With the PS3, our intentions have been to create a machine with supercomputer calculation capabilities for home entertainment.”

* PS3 is “for consumers to think to themselves ‘I will work more hours to buy one’. We want people to feel that they want it, irrespective of anything else.”

* “The PS3 will instill discipline in our children and adults alike. Everyone will know discipline.”

* “Microsoft is trailing behind us, but they are not a threat. They are good at improving [on products], but we will be advancing to the next level with revolutionary technology.”

* “We’re not going to equip [the PS3 with] a HDD by default, because no matter how much [capacity] we put in it, it won’t be enough.”

I've been watching the Quicktime videos of Live 8 performances (reported on Stereogum, Screenhead, and others). Pretty neat stuff. Although why is Toby Keith performing at Live 8? Did he lose his way to the Let's Bomb the Middle East rally?

The 8th part of Hotel has finally gone up.

7.05.2005

Well now I'm disturbed



Chris Cunningham and Aphex Twin are responsible for some pretty disturbing videos, including Windowlicker, with bikini clad girls and warped Aphex Twin faces. Now they've created Rubber Johnny, which could be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. You can view the trailer on the official site, or go here for a longer cut. The video seems to be about a dancing hydrocephalic child, a chihuhua, and heads smashing on floors.

description from the official site:

"Johnny is a hyperactive, shape-shifting mutant child, kept locked away in a basement. With only his feverish imagination and his terrified dog for company, he finds ways to amuse himself in the dark."

If you haven't been scared off there are some stills here

I'm currently downloading the entire video and will lock myself in a closet for the full effect.



To counteract that, why not watch some video clips of the new Ricky Gervais/Stephen Merchant show, Extras. The first two are a little useless, but the last one redeems the lot. Looking forward to downloading the show off UKNova.

And then, wood panel the earbuds



This isn't a U2 iPod - it's an iPod with a complete and real wood faceplate. Apparently the guy built it using only a Dremel rotary tool.

The Real Wood iPod(thanks to largeheartedboy for the heads up)

Shake it...shake it shake it



Poloroid-o-nize any picture.

7.04.2005

RIP Luther Vandross

Remember when kids used to get killed for their Air Jordans? In a twisted way that signified--more than the TV ads, the song lyrics, or the cartoons--just how iconic the shoe had become.

So now that a kid has been killed for his iPod, does that mean the diminutive mp3 player has excelled even its own lofty heights?

I'm sitting here, looking at my iPod, and knowing that I wanted it quite badly, and that given different circumstances, and a different financial situation...

..I would never, ever fucking kill someone for it.



Yep, it's what it looks like. Two John Deeres with knitting needles making what could be an American flag. This is just a model, but some "artist" is going to do the real deal - The Knitting Machine

Row harder

"Our goal for PlayStation 3 is for consumers to think to themselves, 'I will work more hours to buy one,' " Kutaragi told the Japanese magazine Toyo Keizai. "We want people to feel that they want it, irrespective of anything else."

So this is different...how?

7.03.2005

MIT needs your help

Take the MIT Weblog Survey

7.01.2005

HAPPY CANADA DAY

On this momentous day a group of drunken Scots got together and formed a country. Huzzah! Blessed day to you and yours! And for those readers not in Canada - hahahahaha. You live in inferior countries! Oh wait...I'm not American...



I don't know who Jay Pinkerton is (I guess I could read his site), but this is funny, funny stuff.