This. totally. rocks. (thanks to Stereogum)

Q Unit - Greatest Hits


One Way Ticket to Hell...and Back!

When I first heard The Darkness I was skeptical. Sure, I Believe in a Thing Called Love sounded great, but too often I heard it blaring out of an Excursion while two hipster chicks rocked out in the front. And weren't they just a bad novelty tribute band? But the more I listened the more I realized that they weren't ripping Queen off - they were fulfilling Homer's immortal words that at some point, rock reached its peak. And for the Brother Darknesses that point was 1975.

The new album manages to sound even more authentic, if that's possible. While the title track will undoubtedly dominate Excursions bumping down Robson for some Christmas shopping, the true highlight for me is Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, which shows that The Darkness are familiar with Queens softer side as well, and maybe even a little Zeppelin for good measure. (Also, if you downloaded the title track CD single, or even bought it I suppose, the album version is a full minute longer, with a Zamfir-esque pan flute intro and someone snorting their nose).

Cross a thousand miles of broken glass
on my hands and knees

Sing it Justin. Sing to my wounded soul...


The Darkness - One Way Ticket to Hell...and Back

Standout Tracks

Hazel Eyes
One Way Ticket
Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time


Jump In

Alright, enough about me. Let's talk about the Xbox 360 (I'm sure you don't need an intertextual link for it). I have no info about the games or the system - I just know that this ad makes me want to jump rope.

Xbox 360 - Jump In

40 bLinks

Okay, so my column is up at The Tyee, and my friend Vanessa Richmond wrote a little story about me that makes me sound like a colossal geek - so I'd say it's fairly accurate.

The first column is here, and it's actually a little different than I remember it. But it's up and online and as a certain friend's family says, you don't punch a gift horse in the face.


Asylum state of Quebec gets the biggest cheer?

I almost don't want to post about this, especially after the wittier half of Team Britannia got royally screwed over by the bizarre Guile Moot judging requirements. But after a second straight mention in his blog, I feel I should tell everyone that the British accents were his idea. Really, without them there was no substance to our routine.

My Guile Moot presentation:

Good afternoon. Today I stand before you as a proud member of the greatest nation on Earth. And as usual in our countries long and noble history together, once again it is you Canada who turns to us, the most British of Isles, to solve your most pressing legal issues.

But I am only one half of Team Britannia. My partner will attempt to tell you that Canada is unreasonable. No doubt he will do so, to use his quaint dialect, by indicating the size of his Niagara Falls. (Gesture at crotch)

We would have sent Denning but someone informs me his corpse has become unanimated again.

Reasonableness is definitely the norm in Canada since Canada follows Britain, and Britain is most certainly reasonable.

As for the reasonableness of Canada one has only to look at your money. (Pull out 20 dollar bill) There, smiling up at us, the paragon of reasonableness, Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom, Canada and Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith. Long may she reign - RULE BRITANNIA!

Or to the make-up of the country - you have eschewed the melting pot hodge podge of the Americans and placed all of your French speaking citizens in the asylum state known as Quebec. (Clap hands daintily) Bravo. Although I hear that the rebel nation to the south has recently drowned all its French speaking citizenry. You may have some catching up to do.

We created the BBC, you matched with the CBC - one letter off, but you cannot be perfect. And Rick Mercer - positively charming.

We chase foxes on horseback while wearing ill-fitting red coats, you play hockey. Again, the analogy is incomplete, but the same commitment to senseless violence is evident.

In short, for every thing British there is a slightly inferior Canadian version.

Canada has done well to copy our shining example.

In this regard we can only turn to Lord Denning, the Lordiest of Lords, the ultimate arbiter on all things reasonable. and some words from his judgments that I think particularly apt.

"The customer pays his money and gets a ticket. He cannot refuse it. He cannot get the money back. He may protest to the machine, even swear at it. But it will remain unmoved." Ladies and gentlemen - unmoved.

I believe that says it all.


Gay Burritos?

I don't know anything about Hornet Inc.--they seem to be an advertising firm--so I can't tell if this is a spoof ad for Chipotle or the genuine article (Chipotle's site seems to indicate it might be genuine.) All I know is Screenhead is right - this makes me want to club babies to death.

Everything's burritoful!


Jesus is Magic

I saw The Aristocrats when it came out in the summer, and while many parts were funny my favourite part was delivered by Sarah Silverman. Silverman, who is also responsible for pissing off uptight Asian watchdog groups by saying "I love chinks" on Conan O'Brien, has a new movie out called Jesus is Magic. I've cobbled together her Aristocrats joke from various online sources (thank you Google):

"I don’t put the Aristocrats on my résumé anymore. It doesn’t take away from my pride. I actually was an Aristocrat. It’s kind of weird to be part of that legend. My father would come out onstage, the music would play, and he would start masturbating. My brother comes out, they'd do, like, a mutual masturbation, kind of like dueling banjos. They're holding hands and they spin. I stay in a stationary position; when the assholes came by, I would lick the assholes. And in one motion, my mother, both pinkies, up their assholes as they come. It's pretty spectacular, and it's all about timing. Joe Franklin loved the Aristocrats. He was, like, our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren’t there. And my mother, and my nana—weren’t there. I was on his show. He said it wasn’t a 'taped show,' but we, like, did a show...It was his office, but he had a bed in it, like a couch, that he called Uncle Joe’s bed for little people, 'cause a couch is like a bed for little people, you know?


Joe Franklin raped me."


If I were a band and not a person

Titles to albums released by me, the band, and not me, the person:

The Twongs: You don't have the questions, We don't have the answers

Thomas Wong: Gold

Twizzle: What Up Yo?

The Thom Wong Tempest Presents, It's Like That Only Better

Thom Wong and the Thomettes: Get Your Swerve On


1.2 million...damn

The above photo set a new record for photograph sales at auction - 1.2 million shamolas. Richard Prince, the artist who created the photo, didn't actually take the original photograph. It's a photo he took of a Marlboro ad, which he then blew up to 50" x 70". That's right - he took a photo of a magazine ad, blew that up, and made over a million dollars.

Burn baby burn

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What you see here is a home-made flamethrower. Now I like all you people, but if somebody made one of these that would be uber-cool. Sabey?

Uncle Brady's home-made flamethrower.


Rock Paper Saddam

In the spirit of those guys who did the Lord of the Rings animated gif, here is Rock Paper Saddam.

Also, congratulations to Hari who went to Toronto, and returned a conquering hero. Gowlings you are a lucky girl...er...firm.


I say Barack, you say Obama

Onegoodmove has a clip of Barack Obama's appearance on the Daily Show. When the bus goes in the ditch, you start by firing the driver.


Worst album ever...?

I was perusing the backpage of the Georgia Straight when I came across an ad for the new Jamie Callum album, Catching Tales (oh, the double entendre!). Apparently a singer of some note in the UK, the ad described Young Callum as a "Sinatra in sneakers." It then invited the listener to imagine edgy covers and "jazz-rap hybrids," ending with "tracks that sound like a lounge-Coldplay!" (emphasis in original). Remember - this is an ad by people trying to sell the album. The conclusion seems obvious - this could be the worst album ever made.

Which means I will have to download it and provide you, loyal reader, with an assessment. Naturally this experiment will need a control - and since only Ryan admits to reading this blog, I guess that means you buddy. What's the worst album of all time?


Tom Waits

There's a story Tom Waits, the multi-talented artist, likes to tell about his wife. In the early days of their friendship they were both invited to a party, and she said she knew the way. As he drove she gave directions - turn left here, straight five more blocks. About half an hour into the trip it became clear that they were very lost. He asked her, I thought you knew the way. And she said, I don't. I just wanted to get lost with you.

This maudlin interlude is brought to you by Thomas' increasingly unstable emotional state.

My Funny Valentine

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The first time I heard Chet Baker sing My Funny Valentine I thought damn, this guy has the cajones of the steel. See, his girl is totally messed up looking and HE STILL LOVES HER. Booyah! Take that, InStyle!

Said the Gramaphone held a contest for the best version, and good Ol' Chet won out. Check the contest page for mp3s of his version and a live one by Elvis Costello.

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Yet you’re my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentine’s day

Actually, Chet is simply following in the footsteps of Ol' Willy Shakespeare.

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.


Hey hey we're the Arctic Monkeys

Now that I've learned in IP that file-sharing is pretty much legal in Canada I've all but given up on my quest to get a harshly worded letter from the RIAA. Almost. In any event, once megauploads allows GB files, look out MPAA!

As promised here is the debut album from Arctic Monkeys, a sassy little band out of England that has just been bumped from top spot on the singles chart...to be replaced by the awesomely crappy manboy band Westlife. Westlife is what the Backstreet Boys would have been without AJ's drug addictions and Nick's general suckitude.

Arctic Monkeys - Beneath the Boardwalk


Arctic Monkeys ates bananas

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Arctic Monkeys is the latest band to be hyped all to shit on the blogosphere. Hailing from sunny Sheffield England, the band's first single "I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor" just knocked the...uh...Sugababes off the top spot on the singles chart. Sugababes???

You could wait until their debut, Beneath the Boardwalk, comes out in North America. Or you could just wait until I post it. Or even better you can download soulseek and join in the free file-sharing love. They sound like The Libertines first album if Pete Doherty hadn't been a heroin addict. Trust me, that's a good thing.

I'll post the album tomorrow. For today grab a collection of their demos, which is excellent - check the sweet bongos at the beginning of A Certain Romance.

Arctic Monkeys - Demos

Remember that war on drugs? We killed those bastards!

This page keeps track of the almost unbelievable amount of money the U.S. spends fighting a person's right to get wasted. This war is going about as well as that other one on terrorism.

Of course no post about both wars would be complete without a nod to Get Your War On.

Oh my God, this war on terrorism is going to rule!